As a child, I was happy playing with Lego bricks, shooting baddies with plastic pistols, and generally "larking about" on my Raleigh Grifter. I mean, I'm 27 now and I'm still drawing pictures of cars with guns on top.
However, I have saved the best for last. Check out the following customer comment for the product at Amazon.com. Pure comedy gold.
"I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!". But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.
The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I've heard that the CCTV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I'll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush)."
Well, I was laying on the sofa last night with a cup of tea watching TV when all of a sudden an advert came on which made me laugh until I dropped my bowl of Rainbow Drops all over the laminate.
It has to be the best advert on TV at the moment, have a look and see what you think.
The Radio Times have published a list of the top 25 put-downs in TV history, chosen from both UK and US programs.
Here they are in all their non-televisual, written word, you really need to see it rather than read it glory.
Basil Fawlty - Fawlty Towers. To Sybil: "Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?"
Mrs Merton - The Mrs Merton Show. To Debbie McGee: "So what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"
Edmund Blackadder - Blackadder II. To Lord Percy: "The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?"
Roseanne Conner - Roseanne. To husband Dan: "Your idea of romance is popping the can away from my face."
Father Jack Hackett - Father Ted. "Drink! Feck! Arse! Girls!"
Carla - Cheers. Cliff: "I'm ashamed God made me a man." Carla: "I don't think God's doing a lot of bragging about it either."
Patsy Stone - Absolutely Fabulous. "One more facelift on this one and she'll have a beard."
Jim Royle - The Royle Family. Nana: "Is this hat too far forward?" Jim: "No. We can still see your face."
Malcolm Tucker - The Thick Of It. To a junior minister: "All these hands all over the place! You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra! It was like watching John Leslie at work!"
Statler and Waldorf - The Muppet Show. Statler: "Wake up, you old fool, you slept through the show." Waldorf: "Who's a fool? You watched it."
Inspector Monkfish - The Fast Show. To a bereaved woman: "I realise this must be a very difficult time for you, so put your knickers on and go and make me a cup of tea."
No Offence - The Fast Show. "I notice you're not wearing a wedding ring which, given your age, means you're divorced or a lesbian."
Rupert Rigsby - Rising Damp. To lodger Alan, who complains his room is too cold to study in: "The only thing you study is your navel. You even shave lying down."
Nan - The Catherine Tate Show. Describing an encounter with an overweight hospital volunteer: "She said to me last time, 'You look bored, Mrs Taylor. I've got three words for you: Barbara Taylor Bradford.' So I said, 'Yeah? I've got three words for you too: calorie controlled diet."' The Professor - The Mary Whitehouse Experience. "I have here a copy of your book, Origins of the Crimean War. It smells of poo." "That's because it's been inside your mum's bra."
Alf Garnett - Till Death Us Do Part. "You Scouse git!"
Alexis Carrington - Dynasty. "I'm glad to see your father had your teeth fixed - if not your mouth."
JR Ewing - Dallas. "Ray never was comfortable eating with the family - we do use knives and forks."
Dr Perry Cox - Scrubs. Dr Elliot Reid: "I don't think you understand the severity of the situation here. I am dangerously close to giving up men altogether." Dr Cox: "Then on behalf of men everywhere - and I do mean everywhere, including the ones in little mud huts - let me be the first to say thanks and hallelujah."
Dr Gregory House - House. "You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to stop thinking."
Gary Strang - Men Behaving Badly. "Let's face it, Tony, the only way you're gonna be in there is if you're both marooned on a desert island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex."
Arnold Rimmer - Red Dwarf. "Look, we all have something to bring to this discussion. But I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence."
Larry David - Curb Your Enthusiasm. "Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate."
Sam Tyler - Life On Mars. To Gene Hunt: "I think you've forgotten who you're talking to." Sam: "An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?"
Just finished reading Clarkson's latest book 'Don't stop me now', and it's actually pretty good. And that's quite a compliment coming from someone who normally only reads books with soldiers or guns on the front. Hilarity abounds from page to page, very witty throughout.
While admiring JC's writing style, I wondered if there was such a thing as a Clarksonism. So to prove the point, I turned to the one place which is guaranteed to answer any complex quandry. Google.
Turns out, there is such a thing as a "Clarksonism", here are some of my favourites:
About the Porsche Cayman S: "There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean."
"The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw."
"Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?"
Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"
Read more here. Alternatively, do what I did and Google it.
